MY STORY ABOUT HER STORY WHICH IS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE

My story begins.

She sit there writing this story trying to think about how to tell her own Mary Sue fantsasy.
She begins to ponder in her thoughts, emotions flow through her veins to the pen in her left, black nail painted hand.
Then the words do spill onto the page like so:

She was all a fluster back stage sorting out her crew, one’s hair had come loose, the other was missing a sock. She quickly fixed the demands, when her name was called out loudly to the room of listeners and viewers. Then the bass rumbled form the speakers. Her crew of dancers ran on stage. They started to pop, lock, jam and break. While she stood in the wings heavy hearted with each mistake she saw. She said to herself that they had rehearsed the routine plenty of times before the big night. Then it was her queue. The music slowed, she waltzed on to centre stage, her crew had disappeared and the spotlight came down. She looked around her and saw so many celebrities. Those which she knew, others which she didn’t, some smiling others crying. It was an award evening and her performance was last in the show. When all eyes were on her she moved her body ever so graciously across the stage, but her dancing seemed odd. She wore black baggy trousers, jazz pumps, her hair tucked under her cap, and you couldn’t tell she was a woman for her gifts from god didn’t even come into sight through her over sized blue t-shirt. Everyone’s expressions were confused. When suddenly the up beat hurried back on with her crew, again pop, lock and jamming. By this time she had run upstage. They finished off the whole routine with her doing back flips and tuck jumps. She stood out of breath surrounded by a large applause, when her eyes came across his but his only acknowledgment was an exaggerated wave.

Again back stage in her dressing room, she hears a knock on the door, she ties her robe and tells the knockers to enter. It was him and his band, he excuses himself when he sees a girl that looks so timid, explaining that he was looking for the main dancer who was a male. She replied in a slight giggle explaining that there were no men in the dance only women and that she was the lead.
His brown eyes flickered in disbelieving blinks. She shyly approached to take him by the hand and told them to take a seat.
They had a long talk about how her gender confused them. They finally looked at their watches realising it was time for the after party, they agreed to catch up later when she was fully dressed.

They sat in their large posh car joking about her, saying that he had fallen for a gender confused girl when they heard the screeching of wheels. He opened his window to see what was happening and was stunned to see her hazel eyes through a helmet while her body controlled the black Harley. She smiled and explained that they had agreed to catch up.

They arrived.

His band crowded around her bike amazed at its heavy engine, while she and him leant on the black car. They spoke about qualities and inequalities.
But suddenly she stopped talking as a loud gunshot echoed through the air.
She collapsed in his arms, he could feel the blood fall through his fingertips…

Her pen was released from its page, she looked out her window and watched the sun go down. It was the end of her story from then. A bullet was shot from out of no where it crashed through her window pane.

And here my pen also stops writing, for the ink has finished and so has my dream of such a great story to become true.

It's interesting. A good attempt at first person narrative leading onto third person and an interesting concept to a story. At times things were slightly confusing and hard to follow but overall not too bad. I think with a bit more practice in writing you could seriously nail this genre. Just a friendly tip, proof read your stuff before you post it, there are a number of typos and errors which could've been picked up had you read through it once or twice after writing it. Also, be careful about writing things like knockers, lol knockers = boobs definitely had me stumped there for a second

RavynK wrote:

It's interesting. A good attempt at first person narrative leading onto third person and an interesting concept to a story. At times things were slightly confusing and hard to follow but overall not too bad. I think with a bit more practice in writing you could seriously nail this genre. Just a friendly tip, proof read your stuff before you post it, there are a number of typos and errors which could've been picked up had you read through it once or twice after writing it. Also, be careful about writing things like knockers, lol knockers = boobs definitely had me stumped there for a second

w/e

nice, well done. god i love it when someone gets shot in a story.. its like a really good ending.. you dont have time to think, or react. It s like you re there.. then your not anymore..
im gonna shut up before i end up wierding ya guys out. point is, nice work
luv ya! xxxx

such a wonderful story!!
awsome writer.... huuuggzzzzz

XMissXKaulitzX89X wrote:

nice, well done. god i love it when someone gets shot in a story.. its like a really good ending.. you dont have time to think, or react. It s like you re there.. then your not anymore..
im gonna shut up before i end up wierding ya guys out. point is, nice work
luv ya! xxxx

lol no point in trying to weird us out we're already weird.
anyways thank a lots glad u liked
xxxx

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

such a wonderful story!!
awsome writer.... huuuggzzzzz

teehee thanks kim lol or should i say lispy
xxxx

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

such a wonderful story!!
awsome writer.... huuuggzzzzz

teehee thanks kim lol or should i say lispy
xxxx

not anymore i took it out

Kimmm why did yuh take it out ?

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

such a wonderful story!!
awsome writer.... huuuggzzzzz

teehee thanks kim lol or should i say lispy
xxxx

not anymore i took it out

wot hayley sed y did u take it out?!!?
now u r no longer my lispy :S

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

such a wonderful story!!
awsome writer.... huuuggzzzzz

teehee thanks kim lol or should i say lispy
xxxx

not anymore i took it out

wot hayley sed y did u take it out?!!?
now u r no longer my lispy :S

it got swollen up i done a whole day in bed i could not move nor speak because im alergic to the type of metal the piercing was

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

such a wonderful story!!
awsome writer.... huuuggzzzzz

teehee thanks kim lol or should i say lispy
xxxx

not anymore i took it out

wot hayley sed y did u take it out?!!?
now u r no longer my lispy :S

it got swollen up i done a whole day in bed i could not move nor speak because im alergic to the type of metal the piercing was

mikina :S :S
i feel srry for ya.
gws
xx

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

kazza wrote:

KIM[<3]T.H..Tom wrote:

such a wonderful story!!
awsome writer.... huuuggzzzzz

teehee thanks kim lol or should i say lispy
xxxx

not anymore i took it out

wot hayley sed y did u take it out?!!?
now u r no longer my lispy :S

it got swollen up i done a whole day in bed i could not move nor speak because im alergic to the type of metal the piercing was

mikina :S :S
i feel srry for ya.
gws
xx

danke